The Weight of It All
by bellatrixslestrange
Summary: But we can only hold so much weight. If we hold more than we can carry we start to sink and we sink so much we lose hope. Hope for love, for belonging, for the future and we lose the battle. Post 3x22
1. Chapter 1

**A/N This is basically what my emotions are screaming at me about how Regina feels **

We all have a weight. It increases and decreases based on our actions. We are born with a certain amount of weight.

But we can only hold so much weight. If we hold more than we can carry we start to sink and we sink so much we lose hope. Hope for love, for belonging, for the future and we lose the battle.

Love creates a beam. It supports our weight, lightening it. But sometimes beams break when it isn't strong enough or because someone has a saw. And they saw through it letting all the weight fall to one side.

So as Regina ran out of Granny'sthe weight started to fall onto her. She could feel herself sinking. How could she be so stupid? Why would he still love her, the Evil Queen, the almost murderer of his wife, when his wife comes back.

She should have seen this coming. No one can love her without some sort of problem.

Daniel was murdered by her mother.

Henry didn't even love her for a while but he's always in danger.

Her father had to suffer her mother's wrath for years and then she had to kill him to create the curse.

She brought her coat in closer to her and turned before getting in her car to look at the road. It was empty. No surprise. Everyone else was too busy with their happy endings.

Regina had hoped someone would care enough to come out but deep down she knew that they were all still too scared of the Evil Queen to come.

She got in her car and curled her fingers around the steering wheel. They turned white but she kept them there. It was a colour she kknew she would never be. All she was was dark. Dark and Evil.

Regina turned the keys and drove off home to sleep, hoping that she could wake up and Marian would be gone and someone actually cared.

It took 5 days. Five days for the weight to push her down far enough. For her to lose her hope in love and belonging. For her to lose hope in a future.

No one had come for her in those five days. Those 5 days of darkness, dread, depression to sink so far the rope had run out. For her to stop looking for the rope, only for the end.

She won't see Daniel or her father. Instead she will see her mother, who, like herself carried a big weight. Only her mother could carry more and had less weight. Because we can only carry so much and Regina had reached her limit.

A tear rolled down her cheek as she got into bed, the weight of all her crimes pushing her down, muffling her cries for a rescue.

She pulled her heart out and gasped. It was red with the odd patch of black. The darkness had been leaving her but yet she could still feel it dragging her down. Maybe she could see Daniel after all.

Regina squeezed and more tears rolled down her cheeks, falling onto her pillow next to her.

The dark brown hair fell onto the pillow slip and a hand slipped over the edge of the bed, spilling the dust of what used to be her heart onto the floor.

The little body slumped back onto the bed, curled up in a ball on it's side, as if shielding itself from the obstacles of death.

The creases on the former Queen's face disapeared making it more beautiful in death than it has been in life. A look of relief found its way onto her face.

The weight had been lifted. Regina Mills had found peace.

For we can only hold so much before we sink and die.

**A/N So I was thinking about continuing it with Robin finding her or something of the sorts but I don't know if I should so just R&amp;R and let me know if I should continue**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N This is set the day after the finale. Sorry about the wait**

Snow walked up to Robin in the park the next day and slapped him across the face.

He jumped back, shocked and Marion came running over.

"You son of a bitch! How could you do that to her? She loved you" Snow yelled at him and he stood still, taking it all.

Marion pushed Snow back and David came running over, after placing Neal in Henry's arms and wrapped his arms around her, holding her back.

"I told her to try with you because I knew you loved each other. She was scared because she didn't think anyone could love her because they all left but I knew you wouldn't. I guess we were both wrong because I thought you wouldn't leave and she thought you loved her"

Emma came running over and held Marion back. She told her to go back to her son and turned to Snow, David, and Robin.

"She's right. You tell her you love her and then the second you're offered a way out you leave. I don't know her past like my mum but Daniel, her parents, and even Henry at one point, left her" Emma said, surprising everyone.

"But Marion's my-"

"Wife. Yeah we know but she suposed to be dead. Is it the same? Now that you've mourned her?" David said and Robin looked around.

"Come on" Snow said bitterly. "He's a lost cause".

Robin walked back To Marion and Roland slowly.

David was right. He had remembered Marion better than she really was. He remembered her prettier, smarter, funnier, better.

Robin wanted Regina back. He had to go to Marion because she was his wife and Robin's mother but it seemed wrong. She was supposed to be dead.

He didn't know what to do. Marion got angry everytime he mentioned her. She couldn't get over the fact that Regina almost killed her. To Marion, Regina will always be the Evil Queen.

He knows he should be angry that Regina had killed his wife in a different timeline but she was a different person. Regina Mills and the Evil Queen were two different people and he's pretty sure he loves Regina Mills.

She and Henry were definetly worried. They hadn't heard from Regina for 5 days and that wasn't normal.

Not that Regina called them on a regular basis but 5 days without some sort of threat was unheard of.

The walked down her street and it was eerily quiet, Regina being the only one on her street.

The door was unlocked so they crept in, the worry and fear creeping into them too.

Snow walked around the bottom floor while Henry walked up the steps. They both felt as if their feet were made of lead. Their steps were slow and heavy, as if their fear was holding them down.

Finally Snow had finished looking through the 1st floor, not sure if she should be pleased or worried that Regina wasn't there but what she didn't know until she made it upstairs was that Henry had found Regina.

That her step-mother wasn't as strong as they thought.

**A/N So sorry about the wait again. Hope you liked the chapter and remember to review! Try to update sooner next time :)**


	3. Chapter 3

"I've finally sunk too far. The ladder doesn't go down this far. I don't even know if there is one.  
It was inevitable. Nobody ever chooses me.  
I regret it all. I always thought being sorry for it would help lift the weight but it only increased it.  
The weight of it all is too much. This is the only way to make it disappear. Otherwise it will just keep growing. Bigger and Bigger until I am the darkness, the light, the big, the small, the weak, the mighty.  
Time will go on without me.  
You can remember me as a hero but I don't want you to lie. I am a villain. I couldn't be redeemed.  
I know people will celebrate but I don't want you to remember me.  
It would be better if you all forgot the broken, bruised girl that I am.  
I don't deserve a happy ending. I don't deserve being chosen. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve a life when I have taken too many.  
Broken girls leave broken trails"  
Henry eyes fill with tears and Snow can barely hold hers back.  
He sits in Snow's arms, reading the letter Regina wrote.  
"I thought she was sleeping. Mom said after she broke up with Neal all she did was sleep and she wanted to be alone. I never thought, what did she mean she was broken?"  
Snow looked at her pale body. She looked so small in death.  
"I don't know. There were whispers, rumours, suspicions that she had been abused by her mother, and then my father. She was always distant, never forming any attachment when I grew up. Like she was afraid of something. She had tried this twice before. I knew her actions would take its toll on her but, I, I don't know" Snow said with tears rolling down her face.  
Guilt filled Henry's face.  
"She loved you Henry, that's what kept her going and then"  
"I chose Emma and Robin chose her. What kinds of people do that? How could we love her and leave her. To break her so much she would lose all light? Why, why" Henry broke down.  
Snow wrapped her arms around him, rocking him back and forth.  
"Tell me. About her. The whole truth. All of it" Henry whispered to Snow.  
_

The room was almost entirely dark. Only a little light seeped in through the windows, created patches of light on the walls and floor.  
Henry blindly reached for the light switch. The lights flickered on to show a figure standing at the counter.  
She was short, with waist-long, black hair with the front pieces pinned back. She had dark brown eyes full of despair and pain and thin black eyebrows. She seemed to be staring out the window, watching.  
She wore a simple robe. Pale blue, v-necked, thin silver belt at her waist, and a lace pattern over the bodice. The sleeves on the dress were sheer and you could see numerous bruises all along her arms.  
She turned at the sound of his footsteps and his breath caught in his throat.  
She was younger, around 18 but it was her.  
"Mom?" He asked and confusion filtered onto her sweet face.  
"No sorry. I'm Regina" she stated simply. Disappointment racked his body. He was so sure it was her. It looked and sounded so much like her. Her name was even Regina.  
She picked up a book on the kitchen table, her spine as straight as a needle, her movements gentle just like her.  
He glanced back down at the kitchen table and realized this wasn't his home. It was a nice house, very nice but it was a pantry of sorts.  
Looking through a doorway he saw a fancy sitting room with many lush pieces of furniture.  
He walked over to Regina and looked through the window she was so enchanted by.

A young man stood there. He was tall, wearing the clothes of a poor man, and he looked just like Daniel . . . . .

"His name is Daniel" she smiled at the window. Henry's head exploded. How was this possible

"Regina?" a sharp voice echoed in the corridors and Regina's once radiant face held back terror.

"Regina!" it crackled and she flinched as though she had been whipped.

Regina flipped around to Henry and put her hands on his shoulders, pushing him out of the pantry at the same time.

"Quick, hide. Mother can't find you" she whispered and his eyes widened in shock. Cora.

He turned his back on her and started to hurry out of the pantry. He was almost out when the sounds of heels on stone topped him. Ducking behind a cabinet he saw Cora approach his mom.

Cora grabbed Regina's upper arm, causing her to give a slight whimper and practically dragged her out of the room.

Shaking his head he opened a random door and flew through it.

As he stumbled through a breeze whipped his hair across his eyes. When he brushed it out of his face he found himself in a graveyard. After all the weird stuff that had just happened, he didn't question it, just went along with it.

The weeds were overgrown, trapping the stones to the ground. Dirt paths were carved into the yard and he followed one back into the graveyard.

He walked as if he was in a trance, unsteady and soon he reached a white marble coffin hidden under many low trees and plants.

Henry stumbled up and ran his fingers along the cracks in the marble. A twig snapped behind him and he froze.

"You're the first visitor I've had" a low voice commented from behind him. "I didn't think you'd ever come" and Henry's smile brightened as he recognized the voice.

"Mom!" he yelled and hugged her. She stood in his hug, arms and shoulders all tensed up.

"Mom?" he questioned her and stepped back. Her black hair was long again, loose waves all over her shoulders but her skin was pale, sickly looking and her eyes sorrowful. Smudged make-up stood out underneath her eyes and a loose white gown floated around her body, trailing behind her.

"I haven't touched anyone in so long. No one wanted to be around me. I was just another casualty of love. Broken and weak. Stuck here forever with all the other murderers"

"No mom! I love you! We all want you back . . . Robin, he's left Marian" He protested and he laughed manically.

"No he hasn't. He's buried there, next to his perfect wife. They get visits regularly by Roland and his little princess" she farces out and ducks her head back, turning away from him.

Henry glances over to the area she pointed out before a realization dawns on him.

When he looks back around his mom is sitting on her coffin, her hands placed on her abdomen.

"What do you mean murderers? You've been pardoned for all of the murders you committed as the evil queen . . ." he trailed off and she just smiled sadly.

"A murder of a child is never erased Henry" she told him, her head hanging in shame.

He opens his mouth to speak before an idea dawns on him. The bitterness in her voice whenever she mentions Robin or his daughter. The loose gown. A murder of a child.

"Did you know?" and she shook her head.

"It wasn't until I was at the brink of death when I felt her. I tried to stop it but there wasn't enough of it left. I don't think she would've loved me, but at least I would've done something good with my life"

"You have me. And Snow" he told her, tears running down both their faces.

"I had you and Snow. I lost both of you a long time ago" she whispered and the scene faded.

A frantic Henry woke up in his bed, sweaty and tangled up in sheets.

He bolted out of bed, and down the stairs to find his Emma and Snow having coffee at Snow's counter.

"We need to do an autopsy on my mom's body!"


	4. Chapter 4

They had to contact him they said.

Snow and Charming had asked for him to receive all the files on the autopsy. Even though they'd requested the autopsy.

He'd known something was wrong as soon as they'd called him to the hospital.

Not one of the nurses had looked him in the eye, just shuffling him into the office.

Just handing him a file.

One he wouldn't read.

Couldn't read.

They looked at him long enough to tell him what he already knew.

She crushed her own heart they said.

But that wasn't all.

"Regina Mills was 6 weeks pregnant at the time of her death"

A/N So it's me again. Lyla, Chase, ReginaRiverHill10396. I was wondering which character reactions you wanted to see so if in the next three days you could review with the aacters you want the reactions of that would be great


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N So it's me. The worst person in the world but I have a pretty good excuse. My laptop got reset and I got a boyfriend. So yeah. Beat that. Some of you probably can but I'm only 17. And I still have lots of homework and people who don't like me so that's part three of my excuse. I'll try to do better next time. Oh and Henry's dream was the night after he and Snow found Regina's body ;)**

She hated black clothes. In fact she hated black anything. And everything.

She liked green. And sparkly things. And purple. And yellow sparkly things.

But wearing black to funerals seemed to be a tradition here. And Tinkerbelle hated it.

She threw her black sweater against the back booth and fell down onto the bench. She felt like shit. There were dark rings around her eyes and brown roots were showing under her limp blonde hair. She hadn't really slept in a week. Ever since they had discovered her friend's body.

And she felt empty. All her life she had demonstrated true love, showing them it was real but it had failed her. True love was supposed to be the problem, not the solution. True love was supposed to heal, not destroy.

And she had to watch as Elsa looked for her sister, looking for someone who understood magic and hadn't played a part in her sister's disappearance. As Marion froze and Rumplestiltskin said that the only solution would be pulling out her heart and keeping her in that state, but he wouldn't work for free. As Robin decided between his still alive love and child and trusting a slippery enemy. As Snow desperately tried to calm the scared remnants of Storybrooke and failed. As Emma fell down the rabbit hole with the guilt from Regina's death. As all order slipped from the small town.

Watching and ignoring that voice in her head that said "Regina could have helped". That said "Regina handled this".

Everyone thought it, everyone knew it, but no one said it. They were all too scared to.

To admit they had all depended on their enemy, on the Evil Queen who had ruined and saved them all.

It was all common knowledge she had been with child when she died, that she hadn't known either. And Tinkerbelle was amazed that everyone seemed to blame themselves, even the most bitter like Granny and Grumpy. Some people like Emma and Robin should but others like Ruby and Hook seemed to look on with faces whispering _if only_.

Soon it was all revealed, the Snow Queen had run away from home at a young age, being adopted by Rumplestiltskin under she returned home. How the rivalry between Elsa's mother and her sister, the Snow Queen, caused the Snow Queen to curse her niece with the powers and was imprisoned in that vase. How the Snow Queen manipulated Elsa into stopping the search for Anna and ruining Arendelle. How Elsa realized what she had done and begged the Snow Queen to put her away in the vase and how the Snow Queen obliged. And then how Elsa's vase was rearranged so it would fall through the portal with Emma by none other than Rumplestiltskin, in an attempt to right his actions when he opened at time portal.

And then Elsa sacrificed herself to destroy the Snow Queen. Said that she didn't deserve a happy ending because she had ruined Arendelle and given up on her sister, right in front of Anna. Tinkerbelle's heart broke even more then, when she recalled a different voice saying those same words. Because if Regina had only been there, and talked to Elsa, there could have been a different outcome. Because if only Regina had been there for any of that it would have been a different ending.

But Tinkerbelle felt trapped in that back booth in Granny's, still mourning for her best friend, still angry at love, and still confused about how all her life beliefs could fail her now. She felt lost and tired. And she would continue to feel lost when Marion woke up, when Rumplestiltskin and Belle got divorced, when Marion and Robin's daughter was born, when Hook left when he and Emma broke up, when Henry and Emma left, when Marion and Robin got divorced, when Robin died, when Snow and Charming died, and finally until she died.

**A/N Does anyone else think that the residents of Storybrooke are being really angry, especially Granny. I mean she used to be really nice and now all she is doing is complaining. What's with that? Oh, and I met this girl named Hella the other day at school. I had to tell her that her name was hella cool ;). And I will try to update sooner but I am going through some personal issues **


	6. Epilogue

**A/N Epilogue everybody! I kinda forgot about this story but now its done so I can forget about it no problem**

"Where am I?" a husky english voice asks around, startling her.

An ache runs through her body and a face appears in her mind, still as fresh as the day she first saw it, but aged, for she had not thought of that face in many years.

He wasn't her first love, he wasn't her longest, but he was her true love. Or they told her he was. But instead he broke her, ripped every beam from the balcony keeping her weight high above her. And the weight came crashing down onto her, crushing her, leaving her broken body dead in the rubble.

What they said about her wasn't true. She didn't kill herself. No, she died of a broken soul, a broken heart, broken spirit. Shattered like glass.

And there was no one to blame but herself for creating that weight. But he didn't have to tear down the support. He was supposed to fix things, to mend and heal. Instead he ripped it apart. And for some strange reason she was glad.

She was free now.

No haunting nightmares while she slept, no voices in the back of her head, leering with the concealed darkness, no faces behind her in the mirror cursing her for taking their lives. Or for causing their deaths.

But instead she held the risk of floating away.

She didn't know she was with child.

If she had-maybe, just maybe she could have been saved.

Instead there was another name on her list.

This one couldn't be forgiven.

"Hello?" the person called and she sighed again. She hated explaining where they were. They always got so sad. Time passed strangely here. It moved too fast sometimes, sometimes it didn't move at all.

'You're dead" she as kindly as she could with the ancient, raw heartbreak running through her still heart.

She turned around, facing the newcomer from her position on the bench.

It was him. He was finally dead, come to join her.

He looked different, younger but she knew he would. You appear as you did in your prime. She looked different too. Long black hair, smooth skin, no invisible lines etched into her face, representing the broken lines that lay beneath the surface.

"Regina?" he says, his voice full of wonder and disbelief.

"Regina, what's going on?" he asks. His movements are frantic, confused like many who have come before him.

"You're dead, Robin. This is heaven, the afterlife, whatever you want to call it"

He lets out a breath, or not really, and shrugs his shoulders.

"You are a lot calmer than most who have come to me" she says quietly.

He looks up at her face again, studying it a for a moment before rushing forward and kissing her.

"I love you" he whispers in her ear she grins, allowing herself this one moment of pleasure before returning to her neutral demeanor.

"Robin . . . . . You and Marion, she's still alive out there. So is Roland, your son. Your's and Marion's" his face drops at her words.

"I'm sorry, I just saw you and you were gone for so long" he says somberly.

She smiles gently, running a hand up and down his arm affectionately.

"I do love you" he adds, placing a kiss to her hairline. Her eyelids flutter at the movement and they both smile from satisfaction.

"What do I do now?" he asks, standing up and looking around. She points to a stone path.

"Follow the stone path. It'll lead you to the judges. Come and find when they're done, though it may take a while. They're often crammed with appointments. And well, Shakespeare is more important than a thief"

He pouts slightly at her words but they are both still smiling.

"How will I find you?" he asks her as he walks toward the stone path, still holding her hand.

"I'll always be right where you leave me" she says sadly and his eyes drop to the ground.

"I'm sorry" he whispers, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Me too" she says and drops his hand. "But time works funnily here. We can sort out logistics later"

He disappears down a curve of the path and she loses sight of him.

He's grounding her.

Adding on more weight.

But this time she needs it.

She can't hold all this up on her own. She needs someone to help her with the weight of it all.

**A/N Please Review!**


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